Blog: Cologne Part Two: Mini-Break!

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Saturday in Cologne began at an exceedingly pleasant, leisurely pace, although it did feature one of the most terrifying natural phenomenons known to man over breakfast. The hotel we stayed in had a BUFFET system, and goodness me but you do NOT want to get in the way of Germans In Search Of Breakfast. They are a delightful and charming people, but Quite Determined about the morning repast.

Saturday was technically the start of the Weekend Mini-Break segment of our trip, so we then moved to the traditioanl first point of business on a mini-break i.e. going on an Open Top Bus Tour. As mentioned many times before, Open Top Bus Tours are BRILLIANT, and a FLIPPING SUPERB way of getting to know a city. We had a lovely 90 minutes sat on the top deck learning many Fascinating Facts about Cologne, getting our bearings, and also realising that Cologne is a BIG place. When I came before with The Vlads we only really saw the centre of town and the area between the Ibis and The Blue Shell, but there it turns out to be HUGE!

Once off the bus we popped into a bar for some more Kolsch (it is ACE) before attempting to get a bus out to Ehrenfield, where there were apparently some nice places to eat. Unfortunately our tram didn't come - it spent about 15 minutes being stuck at 9 minutes away - so we decided to abort that mission and instead go to Sattgrun, which turned out to be FANTASTIC. It's an all Vegan restaurant a bit like Tibit's, but instead of WEIGHING plates you just pick the size of plate you want and fill it up. There was a very small sign asking people not to PILE UP grub although, this being Germany, people didn't need to be told not to take the piss, so didn't. It was all very sensible, and also RUDDY DELICIOUS. We had CAKE too!

Next we went to had a look at the inside of the Cathedral, but could only get into a small section at the front as I think they were closing. This was not really a problem - the main attraction is the FRONT anyway, and my dears once you have been in Peterborough Cathedral you have pretty much experienced Cathedral Perfection anyway - and instead myself and The Cloisters In My Quadrangle went for what turned out to be a LONG and FAB walk alongside the Rhine and out to the 'Crane Buildings'. By the time we got back to the hotel we were DONE for the day, and ended up having our tea, and some more BOOZE, back at the hotel. It was lovely!

Sunday began somewhat earlier, as we had more to do before our plane left, but we discovered that the aforementioned Germans In Search Of Breakfast were still stomping determinedly towards the bread rolls. Once we'd eaten we packed, dropped our bags at reception, then headed over to the other side of the city centre to join the Free Walking Tour. We got there slightly early so had just enough time for another Kolsch and some pretzel sticks (an EXCELLENT combination) before setting off on what turned out to be a HIGHLY informative and also VERY FUNNY stomp with a guide called Sidney. I now know a LOT more about how and why people in COlogne are, basically, cool and groovy, and also why the city's coat of arms has three crowns and eleven black tails, AND what the "Chunkel" (sp?) dance is. We went off for lunch halfway through but, when Sattgrun turned out to be closed, went back to find the group again, and we were glad we did, otherwise we would have missed the BUCKET SPEECH at the end. This was just like the one we were all meant to do on the Free Fringe, and included a section in which he clearly mentioned 10 Euros during a joke which, he said, his boss said they "had" to do. His boss was right to say so!

After that we found ourselves back at Heumarkt so went to our favourite pub (the same one we'd been to on Friday) and were amazed to discover it also did VEGAN SOUP, so had some of that alongside... more Kolsch! We are are nothing if not committed to experiencing other cultures! We then went back to the hotel and headed for the airport (on a double decker train!), where we discovered our plane back was PACKED, so we didn't get a row to ourselves, let alone one EACH, but apart from that the journey was FINE.

In summary then, Cologne was BLOODY BRILLIANT. Can we go again please?

posted 3/4/2019 by MJ Hibbett

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