My Exciting Life In ROCK (part 1): 25/7/01 - Chambers, Taunton

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Sometimes I do gigs because people ASK me to and sometimes I see a gig going spare and, like a deranged Auntie at a car boot, LEAP IN and GRAB it with little thought to whether that might actually be a good idea or not.

This is very much an example of the LATTER. Someone on a mailing list announced that they were about to start putting on gigs and wondered if anybody fancied playing. Now, with hindsight it is fairly easy to spot what might be dodgy here. The fact that they were just STARTING putting on gigs is generally a warning to the wise that, if they've not really done this before, they might not do it WELL, and the OTHER fact that they don't know any bands and so are asking strangers might ALSO lead you to suspect that they've not got much experience in the area.

And also, of course, the gig was in Taunton. Taunton is a LONG way away - wherever you are, it's a LONG way from there. Even if you're in Taunton.

Still, they seemed like nice lads, I had some annual leave left to take, and I REALLY liked the idea of playing a gig somewhere that sounded like a Star Wars Action Figure (with fully openable BELLY), so onto the train I hopped and spent a happy three or four sunshiny hours speeding Southwards and when I arrived I wandered through the DESERTED Town Centre to find my B&B. I think this may actually have been the first time I ever booked a B&B - previously, if I wasn't going to be able to get home after a gig, I'd've found someone whose floor I could sleep on but I knew NOBODY within about fifty miles so decided to take the plunge and book myself in. It was all a bit weird, we'd never stayed in B&Bs or hotels or ANYTHING when I was growing up so my entire knowledge of The Procedures came from FILMS, and so I spent half my stay thinking "DON'T go in the cellar!" and the other half waiting for the daughter of the proprietor to make ADVANCES.

Sadly I remained both unmurdered and unmolested, so at about seven o'clock headed back through the sleepy streets to the venue. It was locked. After a lot of KNOCKING the proprietor came and let me in - the bar was actually OPEN, they just didn't like letting in people they didn't know at that time of night. OK.

Inside I discovered the two chaps who were running the gig trying to assemble the PA system. We had a good old chat and it turned out they WERE precisely as nice as they'd seemed on email (VERY), and also rather innocent of the ways of ROCK PROMOTION. I asked how the publicity had gone for the gig and they showed me some rather good flyers. "We're just off to start handing them out now!" they said.

Ah.

Now, in MOST places, 7.30pm is NOT the busiest time in a city centre anyway, as people who work there have gone home and it's not time to come BACK for the pubs just yet, but in Taunton it was DESERTED. And even if they DID find people who were amenable to being flyered and didn't already HAVE plans for the evening (and if so, why were they in town?) and who liked The Indie Pop and (even more unlikely) wanted to see ME doing it, if they weren't know to the nervous venue owner they might not be let in anyway. Not that it mattered, as they returned half an hour later having only managed to unsuccessfully badgered some students and lightly scare an old lady at a bus stop.

There was supposed to be another band playing, but they'd not shown up, so we sat around in the bar having a chat until it was SHOW TIME, and as I'd travelled this far and as they seemed so KEEN it seemed a shame not to play. I began the set, playing to the pair of them and, as nearly ALWAYS seems to happen, people started to come in. Maybe it is the MAGIC of MUSIC, or maybe it's just that the venue owner came down to see what was going on and left the door unlocked, but gradually people started to trickle in.

Now, in the FILM VERSION the trickle would have turned to a flood and led to three encores, crowd surfing and a WHOLE LOT OF LOVING, but in THIS version it only led to about eight people sitting around, including owner and promoters, and me only getting any appreciable applause when I played "Boom Shake The Room" which the two girls sitting in the opposite corner who'd CLEARLY come in by mistake recognised and liked.

Everything finished shortly after ten o'clock and I toddled very slightly drunkenly across the quiet streets to my B&B where I was too frightened by the GROWN-UPS/B&B LOONIES to make use of the bar. I thus found myself in bed alone, early, almost sober, having just ROCKED over five people. Other people might feel disappointed in such an outcome, but I'd been somewhere I'd not been to before, popped my B&B cherry and met some nice people - I know it's hardly Hammer of The Gods, but it WAS a lovely day out!

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