Tales From The Conference League : Christmas In New York

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I thought I'd start the New Year with a proper Tale From The Conference League, about one of my more ODD gigs. Lots of people in bands seem to think that the evening's crossed the event horizon of insanity when they "jam" an extra chorus at the end of their pre-planned encore, but I have a bit of a tendency to go off and do gigs that I think of as "adventurous" (other people might think "stupid and pointless") which often end up as "unusual", and this is one of them.

We've got a song called "Hey Hey 16K" which is about the home computing boom of the 1980's - ZX Spectrums, Commodore 64s, if none of this sounds familiar, ask an old person - which came out as online single in 2000 (the first EVER, according to... er... me). This led to me getting invited to play at an online computing magazine's Christmas Eve party in London's Fashionable Soho. I eagerly accepted - at that time I was still living in Leicester, so fully expected a night out in a London club to be a debauched thrill-ride packed with celebrities, sexy ladies and A&R men.

I was slightly disappointed when I arrived to find that the venue wasn't actually a trendy night spot, but an Internet Cafe. The ambience was more like a mobile classroom after hours and the only clubbing likely to happen was Chess Club. Still, the people organising it seemed pleased to see me, there were sofas and a bar, and I was soon enjoying the traditional refrain of the visitor to That London attempting to buy beer: "HOW much?!?"

It was while relaxing on the sofa that I realised that pretty much everybody there was staring at computer screens. Fair enough in an Internet Cafe, but many of these people were playing SOLITAIRE. On Christmas Eve. In Soho. It struck me that they might just possibly be passing up a few opportunities to have more fun.

Anyway, the entertainment kicked off with a DJ called Slimboy Fat, whose gimmick was... well, that was pretty much it. He came on, said "I'm Slimboy Fat!", he put on a mix CD and then went home. FOLLOW THAT, HIBBETT!

Follow it I did, sitting on one of those strangely uncomfortable stools they always have in places where they don't want you to stay long and, actually, ended up having a lovely time. Everyone was a bit quiet but seemed happy enough (I even noticed a few MOIST EYES during "The Peterborough All Saints Wide Game Team (group B)"), especially when I did "Hey Hey 16K", and afterwards I met at least ONE real-life Internet Millionaire - hey, he must have been loaded, he bought a round!

As I was packing away a few people shyly came over and thanked me for playing, I got given a t-shirt as payment, and I headed off for home, arriving GLORIOUSLY in time for last orders. On the way back I realised that, objectively speaking, this had not perhaps been the sort of gig that would advance my CAREER, nor would it lead to anything further in ROCK, and had ended up costing me a lot more money than I'd ever get back from it.

It was the sort of thing that other people would get upset about, but I'd had a LOVELY evening that I'd remember for the rest of my life. So what if it wasn't likely to get me on Top Of The Pops? That would be to miss the entire point of DOING this sort of thing - if you want career advancement, financial rewards and clearly achievable goals join the Civil Service, but if you want a ludicrous procession of interesting people, unpredictable evenings, and ridiculous stories to tell in the pub, start saying "Yes" to the sort of gigs that look "stupid and pointless" and I guarantee you'll end up having a lot more fun.

And, as it happened, this gig DID eventually lead on to a whole lot MORE excitement...

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