Old News: July - December 1999

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7th July 1999
Has it really been a fortnight since last we ROCKED? Heavens, it feels like only a couple of days ago, and yet, EERILY, the things after seem many years ago.

YES I am still obviously IMBUED with the MYSTICISM/Hippy Nonsense of Glastonbury, which was GRATE, thank you for asking. The INNOVATION of it being Nice And Sunny meant you could do ker-razy things like WALK about and, when you got there, SIT DOWN. I know, it is a good idea is it not? We camped at the PYLON OF ROCK, which was CUNNING, as everyone else in our field was Quite Old, and thus one would arrive at the tent around midnight to find everyone else VERY DRUNK and going to bed, which was Handy. BANGIN SOUND SYSTEMS were much appreciated by their absence also. I have decided that not much enjoying the same dreary ten-year old repetitive beats keeping you awake all night is NOT being Old, it is being ABOVE THE LEVEL OF INTELLIGENCE OF BACTERIA.

AHA! Also saw loads of bands - best were Otway, Astrid (who were GRATE), and probly the Younger Younger 28s. REM were FANTASTIC and also RUBBISH and also POMPOUS, often all at the same time, but HEY! it's not about the bands is it? This time I also managed to enjoy Even The Stilt Walkers, and got rather FREAKED OUT by seeing a Robot. No canoes this time tho - and YES, oh you doubters, last year I really DID see a canoe go by, IT'S TRUE.

As mentioned last time, I rather foolishly booked a practice on the Monday night, at which I was entirely Spaced Out, but luckily the others were on Top Form, and we recorded (er...) "Ring Your Mother", "The Pebble And The Boulder", "Wings Of Fire" and "Praise The Traffic Warden". Unfortunately we also recorded Me Singing, which needless to say will be RUTHLESSLY SUPPRESSED. It was a bit strange when we finished, as That Was That as far as Band Recordings go, for the time being at least, but it did all sound Rather Good. Ollie got EMBARRASSED because he had just played 16 Bar Blues (16! Not 12! 16!) EFFICIENTLY. HA! I was back in again this Monday just gone too, when I did the vocals for the first six songs done the other week, AND did the last of the acoustic ones, being "I Knew It'd Happen To You", "Missing The Misery", "Friday 13" and "You'll Always Be My Baby Brother." This all sounded DEAD good, I was most chuffed, but again I got the Strange Feeling that, for the first time in about 18 months, I had actually RUN OUT OF SONGS!!! It's a little odd. Anyway, all is now GO - i'm back in on Friday night to do the last of the vocals, then it's PRACTICE for the London gig, GIGS, and a couple of weeks overdubbing before the mastering of this batch then - *ULP* - deciding which ones go on the album, and which ones do not. Exciting huh?

I'm excited anyway, I think it is going to be a Good Record. Most common reaction to it so far has been SURPRISE, the implications of which I am Tactfully Ignoring, and just being Quite Pleased. Especially looking forward to doing London and Abbey Park with THE BAND, as we were Bloody Good last time.

In other news... we're packing in doing LollopaLeicester, as it's a Pain In The Arse. Might be putting on an AAS gig at the Pump & Tap for the Saloon/Lazer Guided Tour. My new GITTAR is being DODGY, so it must Return To The Shop for a bit of FIXING, and finally HEY HEY HEY i'm off to see STAR WARS next week. Am I excited? That question need to ask, do you?

21st July 1999
Afternoon all - blimey, I just saw that a massive TEN (10) people looked here yesterday... obviously THE KIDS are desperate to re-live the BEAUTY that was Sunday's gig.

And let's face it, who can blame them? It was ACE. It all started v well in that everyone managed to get on the right train and there were enough tickets to go round, then started to go RUM in that it was one of those Apparently Groovy but actually Small and Slow new Midland Mainline trains, so we got into London LATE, only to find the Northern Line was BUGGERED. We eventually got to Kentish Town 20 minutes after Official Soundcheck Time, whereupon Tim and Emma got STOPPED by THE MAN (all right, THE LADY at the Tube Station) because their tickets were invalid... which meant all our tickets were WRONG as I got them En Masse. They got carted off behind a BARRICADE to pay a FINE, so I COMPLAINED. This was GRATE and probably my favourite bit of the evening, as I got to be Very Middle Class and say "I wish to complain in the strongest possible terms!", "...in good faith..." and the CLASSIC "simply not good enough." We got our tickets changed, FINE revoked, and if there had been time doubtless barricades would have been stormed and fairer societies instigated.

Oh yeah, and there was a gig too... now, I may be biased perhaps, but I thought we were GRATE, even if we did have to not do Born With The Century due to... er... over bantering. Well... apart from Derby it was the first time in 2 years i'd played with a band, and I was just getting into it. Shapes were THROWN, and my dear there was much POINTING. The best thing I thought was "Stop, Look and Listen", the Backing Vocals to which were GRATE. It was all BRILLIANT really (or nearly). Afterwards people were heard to say "That was... different... it was Quite Good", which, as usual, I have decided to take as a compliment.

Afterwards one had to gad about my dear, as many people what I knew had come, and also Bloke From Hefner, who was pointed out to me as "a bloke who looks like you." AHA! Eat my face, Bloke From Hefner! There was BEER and SHOWING OFF, and then on the way home we had a SINGALONG. Yes yes, the other people in the carriage, maybe they didn't enjoy it THEN, but in years to come I do not doubt that they shall DINE OUT on this story. No, really.

It was all a lot better than my OTHER gig in the past two weeks - whilst BOOKING Saloon and Lazer Guided's gig at the Pump & Tap I got ENVEIGLED into playing there myself, and LO! I was a load of old rubbish. Has been Quite A While since actually did a solo gig, and I fear I had forgotten how they go. Oh dear.

Other stuff has beeeen good though - had a SMASHING evening chez Kev the other week doing the VOCALS to the remaining songs, and they came out Almost Uniformly Not Too Bad... tapes have gone out, the DO's have started practicing, Tom de Violin has been round for some ORCHESTRATION (during which we agreed that you would really think someone would have invented a system for, like, writing down music properly by now), and Neil and Rob are GO with their bits. Hopefully the next couple of weeks will see all that getting done, as the whole process ROLLS along. Most of this practicing And That was done all on one night last week, where I did a Validators practice (which, my dear, simply ROCKED), a DO's practice, and a Violin practice. I were KNACKERED, not to say STINKY.

A rocking time all round then... also went to see STAR WARS, which happily turned out to be BRILLIANT, even to the extent of being Charmed and Amused by Jar Jar Binks. Surely that's not right? It was fantastic tho, but then again a film with dinosaurs AND space ships can't go far wrong can it? In other news, the LollopaLeicester All-Dayer is now BOOKED for September 12th (so WATCH OUT for some info on that) and Abbey Park itself is LOOMING. Here I am trying to get my Bloody Project finished for SKOOL, so I think perhaps the next instalment of this will be a litany of fine adjustments to Perl programs, but HEY! you never know...

5th August 1999
Good morning, and first of all apologies for heinously being A DAY LATE with this fortnight's instalment. I am sure many people have hit themselves with sticks in DESPAIR at missing out my WISE WORDS for 24 hours, and for that I am truly sorry.

Not that I have much of EXCITEMENT to tell this time, as the past two weeks have been riddled with WORK and stuff, not least yesterday when it became so horrendous I actually Couldn't Spend Hours On The Internet! Can you imagine? What kind of world do we live in when such things can happen? It makes me WEEP, really it does. Still, not long now until the BIG THING I am doing (which is my School Project) is ended, and we shall ROCK.

With any luck these Rocking Times will be tied in with the AT LAST release of THE ALBUM. It's slowly dawdling towards completion. We had ANOTHER session the other week, this time concentrating on the Durham Ox Singers, and it was a Right LARF. Thoroughly GRATE fun, tho I am sure Gladys Knight did not get such Wanton Criticism from the PIPS ... we also did some violin and synth, so hopefully after Abbey Park we'll be having a BIG SESSION and getting those finished off, as well as Rob's bits and the VOCALS to "Pebble and the Boulder." Then all we need to do is mix it, sort out the running order, compile it, master it, find some money and manufacture it!

So sometime in 2005 then...

Mind you, one record that IS finally done is the Durham Ox Singers single! YES! Spent a happy Monday evening folding covers, and is now set for release on August 30th! I'm rather excited about this one - obviously I love all the records that I have been on, they are all my babies, but whereas with them I say to people "Look, it is a record with ME on!" with this one I say "HAHA! You MUST listen to this! It will blow you MIND!" I'm really proud of it, it is a Thing Of Beauty And Wonder. I've also seen Actual Posters and Actual Flyers advertising the DO's playing at this Off The Tracks Festival... which means it's Actually Happening. Oh blimey.

In other news - i've written a couple more songs, one of which was a RELIEF as i'd been singing the chorus for about a month without any words and driving people BARMY. They're not up yet as i'm going to REJIG the "Other Songs" section - it's a bit LARGE right now so i'm taking out all the ones recorded for "Say It With Words", and giving them their own bit. Should be done for next time, so CONTAIN YOURSELF if you can until then. Finally done the lyrics to "The Pebble and The Boulder" too, so they'll be up there too. Also coming soon is the Big Big Band Practice for Abbey Park - eleven of us in a tiny little room for three hours, it will surely bring is CLOSER - and of course Abbey Park itself. Hopefully next time will be filled with KER-RAZY anecdotes about the marvellous day we all had, and NOT a depressed litany of pissed-up twattery, but we shall see dear reader, we shall see...

20th August 1999
OH MY LORD, does it just get WORSE or what? A whole TWO days late this time! I can but apologise - I have spent the entirety of this week being KING OF THE GEEKS and being over-excited about Computer Stuff. If necessary I can speak at LENGTH about UNIX, permissions, Perl, Javascript, THE LOT. Just pray it never IS necessary.

But oh what rocking times we had last week! As reported previously, last Thursday was the first time EVER that all the Durham Ox Singers and all The Validators were in the same room, and WHAT a fragrant room it was... it was only during a full-on go through of The Pebble And The Boulder, with everybody AT IT, that i realised what Beautiful Madness it all was. Tim The Celebrity Drummer pointed out that, with 11 people in the room, this was one of my biggest audiences, and I laughed though within I wept. At least some people in Leicester got to see us be GOOD...

Next day was EXERTION TASTIC as me, Dave and Mr Myland (all praise him) flew around the city getting AMPs sorted out, then went to Abbey Park itself to dig a trench, and LO! it was a trench of GRATE beauty, which we looked upon in awe.

It was a shame to cover it up really, but that's what we had to do, first thing (and REALLY first thing) on Saturday morning. It was an ACE day really, though I would like to apologise to the bands on around 2-4pm, during which time I officially Lost It Big Time and started shouting at people. A JAUNT on the Waltzer sorted that out, and instead of being Knackered, Wired, and Tired, i gradually got more and more PISSED. This may explain my actions around tea-time, when we had one of several massive downpours. The LollopaLeicester stage (like most of the others) was made out of two lorries, with a gap all the way down the middle, so when it rained there was a LOT of water on stage. We got some tarpaulin and a LADDER, so that the most BRAVE (that's BRAVE) person there had to go up and lay it on the roof. SO I DID. Unfortunately it was really windy, so the tarpaulin flew around. Dave passed up some metal poles, which I waved about as I went across the roof to lay them down. I thought I was really BRAVE, it was only later when people pointed out I was polewaving during a THUNDERSTORM that I felt a little fearful...

More excitement just before we went on, as we saw all the security guards, their yellow jackets fluorescing in the darkness, and suddenly lots of police, RUNNING over to the dance stage, where there was a RIOT going on. As we got ready to start, Dave clung to the Walkie Talkie passing on reports of "the injured" being taken away, people getting beaten up, and the possibility that the festival would have to be shut down. Being drunk, I got over excited and stormed around saying "It's Altamont! We're playing Altamont", whilst those more sober than me looked distinctly nervous.

Luckily it was one of my gigs, so by the time we got on most people were too pissed, wet, or worn out to stay. It was FUN, though I do want to do another gig here soon just to prove that the words to all the songs are not in fact "wheurgh wheugh la la... er... la la", and that the singing IS meant to be in tune.. but I think we, or rather I, could do a bit better. Still, it was a ROCKING good time, especially ending with Wings Of Fire and Pebble & The Boulder.

In other news... this month's Loaded (someone TOLD me) has an article on Bowlie where "a chap outside the pub serenades the audience with a lovely ditty asking why all the bands in london are crap". Gosh eh? The Number One Selling Single At Abbey Park, "Revolution #9" (five copies sold!) will be out soon, and seems to be causing EXCITEMENT in all who hear of its existence. Unfortunately the FEARSOME PROSPECT of the Off The Tracks festival also looms, which is a bit more worrying... we'll be practising soon, though not next week hopefully, as is LAST WEEK of the Project, and thus LAST WEEK of the whole dang MSc thing. Thank HECK for that. After that is the Month Of Rock, as we finally FINALLY finish off the album, do Off The Tracks, do the LollopaLeicester All Evening-er, and go to Bowlie 2. All to come dear reader, hopefully on time, hopefully devoid of mentions of computers...

1st September 1999
BANG on time! Hoorah! And with pretty much bugger all to tell!

Well, a few things have happened - the Durham Ox singers single is now OUT, which I guess is NEWS, what with it being fantastic dynamic and MODERN. Yes yes, mark this day well, it is the dawning of the age of acapella. It certainly seems to have caused a bit of Interest though, mostly consisting of people going "What? Really?", and it got REVIEWED in Record Collector. They said "It fair brings a tear to the eye to see such innovation and dedication in music", which I must say I agree with... and I think they were only half
taking the piss too! We're currently gearing up for the Off The Tracks Festival, which is actually REALLY HAPPENING this weekend. I am afeared. After that it is HO! for the studio, apparently, where we record the album. Golly.

And talking of albums... yes, as ever, it is About To Be Finished. Everyone is back from various holidays and stuff, so by NEXT time this page gets updated their ought really to be news that it is DONE - hoping for a big SESSION next week, followed by MIXING the week after. I can't believe it's taken nearly a year to get this far, but hopefully it'll be worth it. All I need to do now is find the cash to pay for it!

Meanwhile there is the final LollopaLeicester next week, at which we'll hopefully be doing a Stripped Down Set, not least because it'll mean we don't have to carry all of Tim's drums upstairs. I'd rather like it if this turned out to be GOOD, because, as predicted, Abbey Park was not really our finest moment. I'm ITCHING to get some BAND gigs going too at the moment, but Sensible BRANE tells me I really ought to wait until the album's ready before leaping into the Huge Morass of ROCK. We shall have to wait and see.

Meanwhile I've been giving the GIFT of my THORTS to the world, with not one but TWO interviews! Yes! One is for Stuart in Sheffield (his name, not the fanzine's) and may even have a CD attached with Our Lovely Bands on it, whilst the other is for 14 Sandwiches, and is actually UP on the Internet NOW! Go there, read my WORDS!

Also beeeen writing some SONGS again, which if I remember will be up on the lyrics page today at some point. One has a v large shouting chorus, and has unfortunately coincided with the flat downstairs finally being let after a YEAR of emptiness... which is going to take some getting used to. I think I have made a Bad Impression, for I spent the first day they moved in making Weird Noises for a Dave Dixey Sorted Supremo project - he's collecting various COLLAGES to put together for a Revolution 1999 thing.... clever huh? ... and I did a Rather Groovy thing called Error Type 2094 - it's basically Eddie Izzard shouting a lot, but I LIKE IT, and may stick it on the album... though don't hold me to it...

And that, I believe, is your LOT! Apart from to say that this morning I discovered a mail-order place in Germany, rather beautifully drawing people into MY RECORDS with the phrase "Der Post-Moderne Billy Bragg". Can't say fairer than that really can you?

15th September 1999
Do you know, it seems like an AGE since last I wrote these few frail words, SO much has happened.

Off The Tracks, for example - that was RUM AND A HALF and no mistake. We had a GRATE practice beforehand, and utilised Military Precision to get there. I was a bit surprised to find the car park, apparently, half full and like the back of a suburban co-op, but the people on the gate surveyed it like a mighty vista of metal - it Wasn't QUITE Glastonbury. Similarly, our plan to "meet at the Beer Tent nearest the Main Stage" and subsequent worries about people getting lost turned out to be unfounded, as the whole thing was in a courtyard behind a big pub. The set-up was brilliant, the atmosphere was GOOD, and the only thing missing was any shred of Music I Like, as it was FOLK TO THE VERY CORE. Not ROOTS or anything so polite, but the kind of FOLK you hear coming from the room upstairs in a pub on a Sunday night. That sort of thing.

ANYWAY, we played to about 9 people permanently, with about 20 people sticking their heads round the door, GOGGLING, then leaving. HA! The compere started clapping halfway through our Penultimate Number, then got straight on the mike as soon as we'd finished - I said we had one more to go, and she politely BUT FIRMLY informed us that NO we did NOT.

UNDETERRED we RESOLVED to go out into said courtyard, where we did the last song utterly unencumbered by any kind of electricity, and it was GRATE. This done we proceeded to LARF until it HURT (being straight-faced for the whole set was PAINFUL), and then to get very very very pissed indeed, if only to blot out the FOLK. It was good, and in a couple of weeks we're back in the studio, this time with Alan Jenkins, to do the ALBUM. I'm excited because I persuaded him we should cover 4'33" by John Cage, which the others were unsure of. I'll try and put the arrangement up here sometime.

Meanwhile, down the other end of the corridor, we were all in with KEV last week to do the (please OH LORD) very LAST overdubs on Say It With Words. HOSANNAH! It was preceded by a particularly low quality practice without Ollie and without much idea why we were there really, but once into the Domain Of Mr Reverb it all went REALLY well. Synth, Trumpet, Violins, Mouth Organs and a SERMON all got recorded, and I got EXCITED, and also a little tiddly. Crazyhead are Rocking The Nation this week, so mixing commences next Tuesday! It's all I can do at the moment to stop myself booking 10,000,000 gigs, such is my THRILL at the idea that we've nearly finished. This week's BRILLIANT IDEA is to do it as a VINYL ALBUM!! I think it would look fantastic (CONCEPT for the cover is within my MIND now, and only Giles Domino's ascent to draw it is now required) and would mean I could do a huge lyrics sheet for the inside. Also would have to be enormously PRUNED and thus only the leanest, finest cuts would be present. The only disadvantage I can see to this GRATE IDEA is for Plugging, BUT there is another Secret Plan that might solve this and lead to there being an Actual CD Single coming out. But it's DEAD SECRET.

In addition to all THAT excitement we also did a GIG on Sunday night - it was the final last ever LollopaLeicester, so an Abbreviated Validators (Me, Rob, Tom, Tim) did a Stripped Down set upstairs. It was rather nice, it certainly boosted my self-image after my personal Failure To Remember How To Sing Or Indeed The Words at Abbey Park. Rob also played himself and it was Beautiful to the extent that I WELLED UP - his single is GRATE and should be out before the end of the year, when doubtless he will become insanely wealthy and successful. And then I can LEACH off his talent! Hoorah!

Much has occurred then, with more to come in the Month Of ROCK. I'm HOPING to be able to do A Gig A Month for the rest of this year, to keep our Mighty Machine OILED for the album release - likely to be Leicester gig in October, Leeds in November, then maybe even Derby in December, but we shall see, my pretties - details when I know them myself. Other than that, it's HO! for the studio, and AHA! to Mr Bank Manager. Join me next time, for more on these and other Tales,

29th September 1999
MANY words of ACTION this time, you lucky people, as things Move Up A Gear and things move to COMPLETION... 22 songs are now MIXED, three more to go!

That is CORRECT, believe it or not, the album is now REALLY nearly done - last night saw the penultimate mixing session of the second batch of songs, with the final one due two weeks today. Best of this new batch are "Stop Look and Listen" and "The Pebble and The Boulder", which sound ENORMOUS. When it's all done we'll be moving into the Focus Group Phase when we try and find out which songs are actually Any Good (they are all My Babies, so I can't really say for sure) and then it's Compiling Time. There's going to be some SEGUES going on, one of which, I feel, may be the sound of a Kitchen Sink, just because it can be.

I'm now reckoning on it being out in February some time, maybe back to being on CD now - DISCUSSION at Board Meeting on Monday night has reswayed me again, but we shall have to see. However, this does not mean that THE KIDS will have to wait too long to hear the FRUITS of the sessions, for LO! there's not ONE single coming, but TWO! The first of these is likely to be out in a mere few weeks, for it is to be an Internet Single. NOT just a song to download, this is going to be a full beautifully tailored package with cover, b-sides and all sorts. CUNNINGLY the track is "Hey Hey 16K" (about computers! on a computer! CLEVER huh?) with "We'll See What We Can Do" and "The Perfect Love Song" as b-sides - basically the same as the single i'd intended to release a couple of months ago anyway, but this time for FREE. More news on this next time, when I have GRAPPLED with the technical aspects.

The SECOND single is also now Pretty Definite, thanks to the Efforts of my Sole Agent, Mr R Fleay, who sorted it out for me, all praise to him. Remember the SECRET PLAN mentioned last time? Now we can reveal ourselves... the PLAN was thus: My New Record should, as previously stated, be out in February, the SAME TIME as the new Johnny Domino album. We both want to do PLUGGING, so wouldn't it be GRATE if we could do a single and plug THAT, splitting the costs? AHA you say, but doesn't that mean you end up paying MORE due to Cost Of Single? AHA I reply, not if someone else puts it out, and who better than the DELIGHTFUL Reveal Records a.k.a. Tom Of Derby, he of previous Johnny Domino and Stumble singles? The PLAN was FACTED to the Domino, who AGREED, and then Mr Fleay went and spoke to Tom, who is UP for it, and away we go! I must confess I am a bit stunned to find one of my GRATE PLANS actually coming true, but then this IS The Year That Pub Talk Comes True, so maybe one should not be so surprised? When MIXING is done i shall furnish Tom with a tape of a few likely CANDIDATES for the single (i.e. "Stop, Look and Listen" and ...er... some other ones) and away we go! EXCITING isn't it?

Meanwhile, in the Present Time, much is occurring. I did a GIG the other week, which was rather PAINFUL, as it was Just Me, with a bit of added Tom. It was one of these Folk Singers/Benefit do's down at the Ox, and as ever I did not go down very well... hey ho. Tom seemed to appreciate the REACTIONS on people's faces when I did "Fucking Hippy" tho, so I guess that makes it worth it! We're meant to be playing at the Pump & Tap on Saturday also, but Validators seem to be dropping like flies at the moment, so we shall have to see. SPEAKING of Validators, I high-tailed it to That London last week to see Ollie in Lazer Guided, and LO! it was a Good Gig. As far as I remember anyway - my London Allergy was playing up and I got Confused. Also have done ANOTHER interview, this time for Original Sin - what is going on here? It's coming up for a YEAR since I last released anything, and suddenly my WISDOM is required. I don't understand.

In other news, I'm currently working on a NEW LOOK to this very website - it's looking VERY groovy, should still be nice and easy, and WILL still be PACKED with more info than any reasonable person could possibly want. It'll be a few weeks yet until it's up, but should be NICE. Yet More Songs have fallen out of the sky, which I'll stick in the lyrics section soon - this is one of the BIG areas that is getting overhauled, not least because the "Others" section is far to huge, but I GUESS that'll be SORTED once the album's out.

14th October 1999
Slightly late, I know, and for that I apologise, but in recompense I promise that there is a BLOODY TON of news this time around, and not the usual news of Things I Think Might Happen or Ideas I Had On The Way Back From The Pub - NO! This is REAL NEWS! Of ACTUAL EVENTS!

Most excitingly of ALL THINGS EVER is the simple FACT that, at last, the album is DONE! Well, nearly - Tuesday night saw the very last mixing session, as we LAID DOWN the final versions of Ring Your Mother, Praise The Traffic Warden, and Wings of Fire. It was WEIRD, as it was an END to something which has taken AGES. Now I am just about to pop down to the post box to send out the TAPES to everyone - there's getting on for about twenty people now on the Focus Group list, all of whom are receiving a tape of all 24 songs (not 25, I counted them), along with a QUESTIONNAIRE to fill in about which ones should go on, whether Born With The Century should be on it, that sort of thing. I am DEAD EXCITED that at last this is occurring.

Meanwhile the SINGLE moves close to completion - or should I say SINGLES! Yes, that is what I said, SINGLES! My Agent and I spoke to Tom Reveal on Monday night, and it looks like he's going to now be doing TWO me/JD split singles. I gave him a tape of some of the songs, which he'd be choosing from, and then we'll sort the b-sides out at later date after the Focus Group has done his magic. Then we saw Johnny Domino, who were BRILLIANT, and then rounded off the evening by apparently SCARING Giles Domino with COVER CONCEPTS. Still, he said he would definitely DO it now, so that is GRATE! Ooh! Aaah!

The GRATE Internet Single Idea has been a bit quiet since last we spoke, but is still going ahead - go look over here for a sneaky peek at what it'll look like. The sounds aren't up yet, but the cover is. It's Quite Nice.

We were also in the STUDIO a couple of weeks ago to do the Durham Ox Singers' ALBUM - this was an ACE night of Getting Pissed and Arsing About, which apparently came out dead well. I didn't go to the mixing because… er… I didn't want to… but Sorted Supremo Dave Dixey tells me the results sound ACE, especially "What's the New Mary Jane." More news on this when I actually find anything out.

The next couple of weeks look like being quiet tho, as I sit and wait for the JUDGEMENT of my PEERS. The deadline for handing in forms is the 31st, when coincidentally I am doing a GIG, supporting Kev Hewick at the Ox, wherein I shall hopefully be doing some of the PILE of NEW SONGS which are piling up - these will appear in the New Improved Website, which is ALSO really nearly done, by the way. Which reminds me - the VALIDATORS gig the other week, it turned out to be FUN even tho the VALIDATORS were Tim… and his drumkit. Apparently the WORDS were EXTREMELY LOUD, because nothing else was going through the PA, so that was nice.

Rightio then, I go to the POST BOX. If the next update is delayed, do not be afeared, for when it does arrive, it will be PACKED with FACT.

28th October 1999
Hello everybody, and thanks for dropping by, especially those who are here for the first time looking for Hey Hey 16K - I'll stick a link up to it in a minute from here. Apparently it takes a while to download if you're coming from home (rather than - EVIL THORT - from WORK. Do people really do that sort of thing?) so I might advise trying the zip version, as that should be a bit swifter.

So obviously Hey Hey 16K is the main news at the moment - initial reaction's been pretty good for this FUTURISTIC ITEM, and one must confess to being Pretty Chuffed about it as a Thing, especially having Decent B-Sides - observant regulars might NOTE that it's exactly the same tracks as on the aborted vinyl version from earlier in the year. I did wonder whether it might be "wasting" a couple of good songs to JUST have them on the internet, but I expect a hell of a lot more people will hear them now than have ever actually bought one of the vinyl singles, so that's all right then.

And speaking of vinyl singles… Tom from Reveal appears to have selected Payday Is The Best Day to be my song on the Johnny Domino split single, or rather, the FIRST JD split, for LO! he's planning to do another one in the new year. I hope that that'll be Stop Look and Listen, but we'll have to see… not sure about the b-sides yet, that'll have to wait until I sort out the album.

And THAT is getting nearer to nearly done too - we're now coming to the end of the Focus Group exercise, and it's all dead interesting. The forms I've had back so far have been surprisingly COHESIVE, with certain songs (Hey Hey 16K, Payday, Stop Look and Listen, and Where Is My Torch?) coming out really really well, while others (Baby Brother and Weekend Lover's Lot) being universally hated. The only big point of contention is, unsurprisingly, Carol and The Mandolin, largely because it makes some people Uncomfortable. Not sure whether or not it'll be on the final thing yet - currently I'm trying out a few different ideas for a running order though, so all is Up In The Air. Similarly Born With The Century might be on it too, I don't know. It still sounds pretty good though, and I'm really enjoying people saying that some of the songs are GRATE. Not so much fun when they then go on to say "But these ones are awful, and you cannot sing." I say that's nothing, you should hear me play kazoo.

Nothing much occurring on the gigs front at the moment - I'm playing at the Ox this Sunday, but nothing Validatory. Hopefully we'll be having a Big Proper Meeting of most of the band soon, so we can sit down and work out what everyone can do, and wants to do. This is A Good Thing, because otherwise I'll just book 10,000,000 gigs at the Royal Mail or something then wonder why none of the band turns up.

So that's that for now - tune in again next time (new readers! Join up for the MindIt thing and never miss a THRILLING instalment!) for the *EXCLUSIVE* (hem hem) revealing of the full tracklisting for the album, hopefully a date for the single, and who knows what else?

10th November 1999
A good morning to all, especially (AGANE) to those who are making one of their first tentative return trips. WELCOME and be not afeared, for tidings of GRATE joy I bring.

First of all, Hey Hey 16K has been doing Actually Pretty Well - records for this page were SMASHED the other week as millions of people (OK, over 20 anyway) came to get their hands on it every day, and I've been getting some Actual Fan Mail. It's been Most Enjoyable. The Big News as a result of all that is that we're going to be on THE COVER OF A MAGAZINE! Well, the MP3 is anyway, on a CD of issue 3 of Crazynet magazine, which is NEW. It's actually in WHSmiths and everything, so who knows how many untroubled minds will finally get to here THE MESSAGE?

Meanwhile in the land of vinyl, thinks move on apace with the Reveal Single. The Johnny Domino side's going to be a song called Mex (EXCITINGLY their ALBUM's nearly done too, I am PANTING in anticipation), while mine's got PayDay Is The Best Day and Carol & the Mandolin - after much THORT I decided not to put it on the album, as too many people RAN from it, and anyway I'd not be able to give copies to family members in lieu of gifts if I did. HOPEFULLY I'll be compiling the album next week (as well as the single), depending on when we get to do the Final Final Double Focus meeting. I'm trying to get The Actual Core Validators together in Loughborough, so we can discuss the final running order (currently on Draft 4), and sort out things like availability for gigs in the new year, best time for practices, all that, but is proving a little difficult. Being DESPEREATE to get on with it now, I fear I have been FREAKING OUT about it a little, also PANICKING, but once it's sorted we should be FINE.

But what IS the running order, you ask, and what WAS the results of the Focus Group? The order's not done yet, but I can EXCLUSIVELY reveal that 14 people handed in focus group forms in time, and the results were as follows. Note that respondents ADJUDGED songs as either GRATE (scoring 2 pts on the GRATEOMETE), OK (scoring 1 point), HMMM (-1 point) or CRAP (-2). Where the song was missed out no points were scored, and where people didn't fill in a form but sent long lists of what they thought, I did a PROXY form for them. And here is how it all came out:

1. Where is my Torch? (26 points)
2=. Hey Hey 16K (25 points)
2=. Payday Is The Best Day (25 points)
4. If You're Too Turned On (24 points)
5. Wings of Fire (22 points)
6. Stop, Look and Listen (21 points)
7. The Pebble and the Boulder (20 points)
8. Would If I Could (19 points)
9. The Saturday Lunchtime Wrestlers (17 points)
10. Say it with Words (16 points)
11. Praise the Traffic Warden (15 points)
12. Mr Right (14 points)
13. Where Do All The Women Go To? (12 points)
14. The Black Hair and Glasses Brigade (10 points)
15. The Perfect Love Song (8 points)
16. Ring Your Mother (7 points)
17. We'll See What We Can Do (5 points)
18. Carol and the Mandolin (4 points)
19. Friday 13 (3 points)
20. Missing the Misery (1 points)
21. Call the Lyric Police (-1 points)
22. I Come From The Fens (-5 points)
23. You'll Always be my Baby Brother (-9 points)
24. A Weekend Lover's Lot (-13 points)



Only a few surprises there then - I was disappointed that I Come From The Fens was so hated, chuffed that Where Is My Torch did so well, and WONDERED at the huge divergence of opinion about Carol & The Mandolin. The general SCHEME now is that Baby Brother and Weekend Lover's Lot WON'T be going on, nor will We'll See… and Perfect Love Song (since they're on the single) or Carol & the Mandolin, leaving most of the others to be slotted in somewhere. In the end I reckon there'll only be a couple that don't make it - the current version has 17 songs on it, and it's only 40 minutes long! We shall see anyway - hopefully by the next time this gets done the order will be sorted out, the compiling will be done, and my CLAIM for EXTRA PAY will be in and ready to fund the whole venture. Soon, my children, all this will come to pass.

24th November 1999
Notice anything different? YES, you are correct, AT LAST i've got round to putting up the EXCITING new Validators Added, ENHANCED in all ways version of the webpages. There's loads and loads of new bits, including info about the Validators, a better version of discography (combined with the lyrics bits), a ton of new songs, and hopefully easier navigational functioning. All the old stuff is around too, and kindly old gent that i am there's even a HELP section to explain it all. Groovy huh? I just hope it's not taken too long to load in, but this bit here is meant to appear first, so at least you'll have something to read while it does so. Hyper Futuristic Web Minded TYPES might have noted that this page is in a slightly different location, with a "jump" thing from the usual place - PANIC NOT, this is just a temporary measure to get the MindIt thing to recognise the change. Normal Service will be resumed next time, so please do not adjust your settings. Everything is FINE.

Meanwhile, out in the real world, many many things have been Actually Happening. First of all, the Core Validators meeting actually HAPPENED last week in Loughborough, and OH what fun it was, as Many Issues were BASHED OUT. The running order was ripped apart and redone to a Great Degree, and we sorted out when we can do gigs and ting. In reverse order, we're hoping to play gigs in Leicester, Derby, Loughborough (low-key warm-up!!), Nottingham, London, Oxford, Peterborough and Sheffield, tho that rather depends on whether anyone'll actually have us, starting around the end of January, through to the end of March. Nothing at ALL is sorted out yet, obviously, but news should start to filter in soon. And the running order? See below, and GASP at it's MIGHTINESS:

The Black Hair and Glasses Brigade
Payday Is The Best Day
Stop, Look and Listen
Where is my Torch?
Born With The Century
Hey Hey 16K
Say it with Words
If You're Too Turned On
Where Do All The Women Go To?
The Saturday Lunchtime Wrestlers
Carol and the Mandolin
Would If I Could
The Pebble and the Boulder
Wings of Fire


As you can see, completely contrary to earlier reports, both Born With The Century and Carol and the Mandolin are back on - this was the GRATE thing about our little meeting, as originally there were a lot more songs on, which got taken out for not being AS GRATE as the rest, leaving us with what OI RECKON is a pretty good record... no, sod it, BLOODY EXCELLENT record. I like it.

Not to say it hasn't met with objections... not least with Mr Reverb, with whom i COMPILED the thing at the end of the week. He seemed most upset about the lack of I Come From The Fens, also DISTRAUGHT to discover that Ring Your Mother is now a b-side (instead of Carol & the Mandolin on the Reveal single, which we also compiled, and which i sent off on Monday). Still, we had a jolly time putting it all together, and it sounds SMASHING now all is compressed. There's a CUNNING bit right at the start, and also right at the end, but i shall not spoil the SURPRISE. The only thing left now is to go to DERBY this coming Monday to master it onto a CD, and add a Little Extra Item, then it's really really REALLY finished! ZANG! Now i just wait for the CASH to come through to send it off... by the way, Monday is ALSO the day that Rob's ... sorry, FRANKIE MACHINE's single comes out. It's bright orange and called "Why Are You" and it's GRATE, so everybody should buy it. TWICE.

That's yer lot for this time then - ENOUGH for you? Next one should hopefully be PACKED with FACT about the skyscraping success of the above orange masterpiece, the THRILL of CD mastering, and possible earth shattering news for the Leicester Drinking Community. Stay tuned, and stay BEAUTIFUL.

22nd December 1999
First of all, many apologies for taking so long to deliver this, my Christmas Message to you all. Contrary to my expectations, this has NOT been due to me gadding about the region procuring cover artwork, setting manufacturing dates and organising massive tours, it is in fact because i forgot. I'm sure everyone has been DEHYDRATING due to the lack of NEWS.

Not that there's much to tell my dears - i'm still waiting for the CASH to come through for My Book, so have nothing with which to pay the Cheeky Czechs to manufacture the album. BY the way, the film rights are still available, so anybody interested in producing the big screen blockbuster "Making Data Work For You (and not the other way round)" should get in touch NOW before Spielberg rings again. Mind you, i did finally finally finish the whole darn thing properly by going to The Hive in Derby to get a Production Master made. It was a bit scary really as it was VERY different from Kev's studio - you couldn't even have a FAG! It was CLEAN! Where there should have been pictures of Club Singers and ELvis, there were ACOUSTIC BAFFLES! What way is THAT to run a studio? But anyway, is all done with the GROOVY secret track on there, and ready to GO in the New Year.

The cover artwork and TING is also moving along - Giles, sorry, G-DOG, from the MIGHTY Johnny Domino has done me some ILLUSTRATIONS which are rather GRATE, and which are going on the cover, while i'm steadily laying out the lyrics and sleevenotes and stuff. It looks Rather Jolly anyway, and i'll have some pics up in the new year for yr JOY and WONDERMENT. Did i mention the New Johnny Domino Album last time? Well, i have a TAPE of it now, for LO! it is one of the GRATE things about Being A Record Company that people give you ADVANCE COPIES of stuff, hem hem, and it is a FABULOUS record. Hopefully we'll be doing them gigs together in the New Year - vague possibilities have arisen of playing Sheffield, Glasgow and Edinburgh, but only v vague at the mo.

SONGS have been flowing, and a couple of weeks ago i made a TAPE, "Kazoo II: Return of Kazoo" for the useage of Validators everywhere, with 12 songs for possible recording when we start to GET IT ON again. Reactions have ranged from "Hmmm" to "ah" so far, which can only be good, right? Oh, and remember i said that CRAZYNET magazine would be putting Hey Hey 16K on the cover of issue 3? Well guess what! There's no issue 3! Ah well, is SHAME cos it looked rather good, but never mind eh?

So that's the END OF A CENTURY news... thanks for reading, and do come back next century when there will probably be things starting to happen. You know, it's been a funny old year this year, every fortnight when i've sat down to pen these few words i've said "Ooh, it's nearly done!" yet here we are STILL waiting for the album to come out, and STILL waiting to get round to sorting some gigs. I dearly hope that, when it finally all does happen, it's been worth it. I'm sure it will. ANyway, i hear Santa's Sled approaching to carry myself and the children of the next world to THE PUB, so have yrself a Merry Little Christmas and a Festive New Year, and Y2K allowing, see you back here bright and early in January.

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