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Songs: Ode On A Blue Bag

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I looked out of my window and saw a bag of shite
That wasn't there last night
I said hey shitebag are you looking at me?
It said no I'm just
In a tree
Just being me
Hung in a tree

Oh bag of shite you are so luminous and blue
Left hanging there when someone's dog did a poo
Too high to reach
Too ripe to leave
A bag of shite in a tree

Full of good intentions with which such things begin
Someone scooped you up and then looked for a bin
I can't imagine how their plans went all awry
Were they called away?
Or did they die?
Did a bigger shite fall from the sky?

Oh bag of shite you are a mystery sack of turd
Your secret origin is one no-one's heard
Too high to reach
Too ripe to leave
A bag of shite in a tree

But what is this?
The blue bag's nemesis
Approaching the scene
Dressed all in bright green
He's got one of them grabbers
A bit like a claw
With which he prods the bag of shite
So it falls to the floor
With a dexterous wrist
And a flamboyant flick
He swoops the bag of shite
Into his regulation refuse sack

And as the van drove off I thought I heard you cry
Hear me now, oh Mortal Man - all that lives must die
And though my time on earth was short and mostly full of poo
The same could very well be said of all of you
The same is true
For all of you

Oh bag of shite, you didn't half give off a stink
But while you hung next door you gave me pause to think
Too high to reach
Too ripe to leave
A bag of shite in a tree


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing

TRUTH IN POETRY: at no point in my life have I ever looked out of my actual window and seen a blue bag (or any coloured bag) containing poo. If I had, I also doubt that it would literally speak to me.

However, I DO have actual trees outside my window, and I HAVE seen the aforesaid bags hung in trees, and one day during lockdown I did indeed look out of the window described and think "what if someone hung a blue bag of poo there?"

I already had the main riff from the song, and had intended to write something Serious and also Grown-Up to go with it, so was mildly alarmed when this song kept on coming at me, developing a middle-eight all of its own accord. "Don't worry, me," I said to myself, "these won't be the final lyrics", but then the song finished itself and I found that I really liked it. My only disappointment is that I didn't get to say "It's a MOMENTO MORI, do you see? eh? I AM DEAD CLEVER" but it's probably best that I didn't.

The middle bit always reminds me of "Onion Ring (He Couldn't Wait For Warrington)" by Daniel and Norbert Dentressangle - I've just checked and I don't think I've nicked the tune or anything, but hopefully it shares the ongoing Commitment To The Bit of that song, which is very good and highly recommended to all!



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